Which Teams Dominate Florida State Premier League? Latest Season Update

Man, people keep bugging me about who’s owning Florida soccer right now. Fine! Let’s do this thing properly from the start.

Step Zero: Why Bother?

Got soaked walking past some kids arguing about Florida soccer champs last Tuesday. Drenched socks make you curious, I guess. Pulled out my cracked phone right there in the rain and googled “Florida State Premier League latest”. Big mistake.

Instant regret. League website looked straight outta 1998. Stats page? Broken link. Standings? Last updated during the damn Obama administration. I almost threw my phone into a puddle.

The Actual Work Begins

Thursday night I brewed nuclear-strength coffee. Grabbed:

• My laptop with sticky M key
• Eleven different browser tabs
• Cold pizza

Started cross-checking garbage social media posts against sketchy fan blogs. Waded through endless “#FSPL” tags drowning in cat videos. Found some club Twitter pages bragging about wins. Screenshot every damn thing.

Spreadsheet Hell

Made an Excel sheet called “florida_mess”. Typed every single score I could verify from August through November. My eyes bled checking:

• Miami AC’s win streak (7 games!)
• Orlando FC defenders scoring own goals like clowns
• Jacksonville United not losing at home all season

Calculated points like a madman at 3am. Coffee #4 tasted like battery acid.

The Big Reveal

Saturday morning came. Spreadsheet didn’t lie:

• Miami AC – Total beasts. Scored 40 goals. Only lost once all season. Messi ain’t walking through that door but who cares?
• Jacksonville United – Brick wall defense. Only let in 8 goals. Home games? Fortress.
• Tampa Bay FC – Wildcard maniacs. Either won 4-0 or lost 3-1. Zero in-between.

Orlando FC? Crashed harder than my Wi-Fi during storms. Dead last with 12 losses. Coach probably updating his LinkedIn.

Final Thoughts

Never doing this shit again. Made one post-game highlight reel mistake – saw Tampa’s keeper try bicycle kick clearance. Nearly choked laughing. My neighbor yelled “keep it down!” through the wall.

But hey, now when rain-soaked kids ask? Got receipts. Miami runs Florida till somebody knocks ’em down. Might buy those kids umbrellas though.