By florida 
How This Whole Thing Started
Woke up determined to hoop better today. Saw highlights of big Jokić last night, the way he moves? It looks slow but nobody stops him. Figured maybe I could steal a trick or two. Grabbed my worn-out basketball, yelled at the dog for chewing my good socks, and headed to the community court. My back already groaned. Bad sign.
Honestly, thought it’d be easy. Just watch some clips and boom, Joker magic. Reality check came fast. First step, warming up. Couldn’t even bend my knees without sounding like popcorn popping. Ball felt slippery like an eel. Dribbled it straight off my foot into the bushes. Twice.
The Five Moves That Almost Broke Me
Started simple: Jokić’s famous one-legged fadeaway. Looks smooth on TV. For me? It was a disaster.
- The Sloppy Scoop Shot: Tried that little underhand flip he does near the basket. Ball flew sideways, missed the rim completely. Almost took out Mrs. Jenkins’ cat sunning itself nearby. Felt like an idiot.
- Elbow Passing Pretend: Stood at the free-throw line, mimed that whip pass he makes from the post. Without a teammate, just passed to thin air. Looked crazy. My elbow cracked like a walnut.
- The “Rebound” Shove: Saw how he subtly creates space with his butt before grabbing boards. Tried using my hips against the rusty chain-link fence pretending it was center defender. Almost fell over. Fence didn’t budge. My hip definitely felt it.
- Footwork Faceplant: Worked on his slow spin move towards the hoop. Sweat dripping into my eyes. Planted left foot, tried pivoting… sneaker squeaked like dying bird. Feet tangled. Face met pavement. Ow. Skinned my palm something ugly.
- Holding the Ball Like a Grocery Bag: Seriously, he just cradles the rock loose by his hip like a bag of potatoes. Tried it. Guy walking his Chihuahua stared. Dropped it onto my own toe. “Fudge” was the polite word I used.
How It Actually Ended (Sorta)
Okay, maybe didn’t exactly master moves one through five. Sweat soaked my shirt like a swamp. Knew I looked ridiculous. But kept grinding. Stuck with that awkward holding position move, pretended defenders were closing in. Focused on keeping the ball kinda low and relaxed near my waist. Started shuffling my feet without traveling (mostly). After like twenty minutes of fumbling… actually made a decent pass from that spot!
Not flashy. Didn’t thread some impossible needle. Just a simple bounce pass off a slow fake. But I actually felt the space instead of forcing it. Used that relaxed grip and just… pushed it where the fake made space. It felt… intentional. Like, planned clumsy, maybe? Probably looked horrible. But for a hot second, less idiot ballhandler? Progress.
Walked home limping slightly, palm stinging, smelling like old sweat and failure. Dog still glared about the socks. But that one pass? Kept my stupid grin wide. Maybe watching the Joker works, eventually. Gonna ice the hip tonight.