By David 
So I’ve got this mate who’s a total Chelsea fanatic, right? Every match day he’s buzzing like a kid in a candy shop. Yesterday he texts me, “Mate, got any tricks for the Arsenal game? Chelsea’s lineup choices give me headaches.” Figured I’d experiment myself since I had three hours before kickoff.
The Disaster Attempt
First I pulled up FIFA 23 on my dusty PlayStation. Grabbed Chelsea’s squad, saw Reece James’ card – absolutely cracked stats. Shoved him up front as striker cause why not? His rating tanked to 68 immediately. My defense was just Silva and Azpi with Cucurella playing CDM. Looked like alphabet soup. Pressed start – got absolutely wrecked 4-0 inside twenty minutes. Knew I needed proper structure.
The Overthink Phase
Switched to Football Manager thinking “this is where the big brains play”. Spent an hour dragging players around:
- Tried Sterling as false nine with Havertz behind him
- Put James in midfield
- Made Koulibaly a libero roaming about
Started simulating… watched that little spinning loading icon for what felt like eternity. Finally got the result notification:
Arsenal 3 – Chelsea 1
Damn.
Five Things That Finally Clicked
Threw both games aside, got serious with pen and paper. Watched last season’s derby highlights twice. Realized these key adjustments:
- Wingbacks stay HOME – don’t let Saka/Martinelli cook
- Chalobah sits tight as an extra CB in buildup
- Mount pressures Partey like an annoying fly
- Aubameyang runs channels to stretch Saliba
- Kante man-marks Odegaard all damn day
Hopped back to Football Manager with this setup. Switched mentality to counter-attack. Hit simulate…
Eureka Moment
Saw Havertz sprinting through channels like prime Drogba. Mount intercepted Partey’s pass – bang! assist to Sterling who slotted it near post. Then Kante ate Odegaard for lunch and flicked it to James crossing low for Auba’s tap-in. Final whistle:
Chelsea 2 – Arsenal 1
Texted my mate immediately:
“Chill the backline, choke their wingers, let Kante hunt. Profit.”
Got a voice note back – he was screaming when Auba scored the exact tap-in I described. Just won a fiver and bragging rights. Proper buzzing.
